14-OCT - Mon - A not so serious step by step guide of sunbathing for Europeans

For Finnish, Swedish, Norwegians, British, Icelandic natives: your skin is white as ice, you tend to arrive at your tropical beach holiday and immediately peel off all your layers of clothing to display the pure beauty of your glistening, virginal skin. The sun may feel great on each individual cell as your summers are measured in days, rather than months. To us, third party observers, you seem to undergo a metamorphosis as each minute goes by, from white human into a human shaped red crab, and as you return to your accommodation, you glow like a Chinese lantern. Some of you, sometimes under the effect of alcohol, seem to be brave enough to repeat the process the next day; others return covered tip to toe, having undergone yet another metamorphosis, from Northern European to Middle Eastern Prince, dressed in beautiful silky robes from head to toe. For Danish and all Benelux natives: you have ocean beaches on which one can actually sunbath for a couple of weeks a year, hence your skin seems better prepared to enjoy rays of sun on every square inch of it. Moreover it might be that having had colonies in tropical waters, some tropical genes made it into your motherland’s DNA pool, giving you some readiness to equatorial sun rays. Like your Northern neighbours, your skin also presents itself glistening white at first, but you do tend to tan into a most beautiful European chestnut brown, making you stunning Adonis (if you are Danish and are in top shape). For German natives: you guys travel a lot, indeed you are to be found in every corner of the earth, as one hears your most distinct accent, whilst you inquire on the availability of schnitzel, sauerkraut or bratwurst, regardless of being in the deepest part of the jungle of Africa or in the depths of the Pyramid of Giza. You seem to be one of these people who for what-ever freak of nature, require no sun lotion what-so-ever and are able to go from red to brown overnight. And you tan into a most beautiful colour! We are envious. Except for the part where your older generation has no inhibition in presenting themselves to the bathing public in the smallest of bathing costumes, regardless of their body shape. The French natives: you are easily distinguishable, as usually all of you (mother, father, daughter and son) are all perfectly shaped, with not a gram of fat on you, as you smoke one cigarette after the other. Your bathing costumes are always the most stylish on the beach: a very smart-casual pair of shorts for the man; a stunning bikini for the lady; latest sun glasses to top it off; and the kids in lovely costumes themselves. If the grandparents happen to be in attendance, they usually reserve themselves to wearing light clothing, as they consider the days of bathing costumes gone with the wind of youth. The Mediterranean natives: all of you are used to warm climates, heating might not even exist in your grandparent’s homes (now with climate change that has probably become an issue, as the snow piles up at your doorstep), your DNA has adapted to being able to cope with any sun ray and you just absorb it all into each nucleus of your body, transforming your skin from olive to a most beautiful deep olive brown. And if you are one of the lucky ones with blue eyes, you just look divine! No need to shy away from the sun, “all systems are go” for you guys! A word of caution to the Italo-Aussie lad of this travelling duo: sun lotion does need to be applied to eye lids, whilst one is dozing under the sun, unless one is seeking to achieve the uber trendy “red panda eye” look. The Alpine natives (French, Swiss, Italian and Austrian Alps): just because you think you grew up in the alpine sun, don’t think you can turn up at a tropical beach in your shorts, sandals, funky glasses and optional head cover, to display your glistening white skin without any consequence. You will burn! You will blister! You will not turn brown overnight! Sun lotion factor 50 is the essential ingredient to start the holiday on, downgrading as your skin recovers from the initial shock! This of course does not apply to this Swiss lad himself nor his sister, who still believe a small dose of sunburn is the first step to the perfect tan (which invariably turns into a full scale sunburn as they both fall asleep under the sun). Happy sunbathing to you all!